How to Know If It’s Time to End, Transform, or Stay in a Relationship

A reflection for those standing at the crossroads of the heart

April knew.

Long before she had the “proof,” she knew.

But instead of trusting that quiet, persistent voice within, she told herself she needed more. She needed evidence. Undeniable facts. Something no one—especially not him—could refute.

For over a year, April asked her husband about his behavior. He responded with indignation.

“You’re paranoid.”

“You’re imagining things.”

“You’re trying to destroy this family.”

Every time she questioned, he turned the mirror toward her, distorting her reflection until she no longer trusted what she saw. Until she no longer trusted herself. And so, she became obsessed with uncovering the truth—not just to expose his lies, but to reclaim her sanity. And when she finally found the proof, the confession came. The affair had been going on for two years.

Now, they’re still living under the same roof. He promises change. She feels confusion. And the question echoes: Should I give him a chance?

The Real Question: Can I Trust Again?

Let’s be honest. The real question isn’t “Should I stay?” It’s “Can I trust again?”

And deeper still: Can I trust myself again?

When trust has been shattered—whether by betrayal, neglect, or manipulation—something essential breaks open. And while the pieces may still resemble the shape of love, they no longer carry its weight. Because love without trust is not love—it’s longing wrapped in fear.

Trust Is Not a Gift. It’s a Mirror.

We are not children. We do not hand out trust just because someone says, “I’m sorry” or “I’ll change.”Trust is not blind faith—it is earned wisdom.

In healthy, mature love, trust must be:

• Witnessed over time

• Measured in actions

• Aligned with values

• Mirrored by truth

True trust is built when someone’s words and actions begin to dance in harmony, again and again—not just when eyes are watching, but especially when they’re not.

But What About Self-Trust?

The deeper wound here isn’t just that he betrayed her trust. It’s that she abandoned her own knowing. She doubted her gut. She silenced her voice. She needed “proof” to believe what her body had already felt.

This is what betrayal does—it fractures not only the relationship, but the connection to ourselves. Rebuilding begins not with him, but within her. Because until she learns to trust herself again—to attune to her intuition, to honor her boundaries, to act in alignment with her heart—she cannot clearly discern what is right for her future.

Stay? Leave? Transform?

There is no universal answer.

What is essential is this:

• Do not rush a decision from fear or pressure.

• Do not bypass the inner repair by focusing only on “fixing” the relationship.

• Do not pretend to trust when you don’t.

Instead, begin by listening—deeply—to yourself.

Ask:

• Am I healing my connection to my own voice and intuition?

• Can I trust myself to walk away if I see this is not aligned with my truth?

• Is this person showing consistent, embodied, long-term change—not just promises?

You Don’t Have to Decide Today. But You Do Have to Come Home to Yourself.

Healing after betrayal takes time, discernment, and fierce compassion. Whether you stay or go, the most important relationship you are rebuilding is the one with yourself. Because self-trust is the soil from which all other forms of love must grow.

Feeling Confused About Your Relationship?

You don’t have to navigate this alone. If you're at a crossroads and don’t know what’s true anymore, I invite you to begin with The Unbinding: From Wound to Wisdom in the Way You Love—a 4-hour private retreat designed to bring clarity, healing, and insight into the hidden patterns shaping your love story.

Or start with a free 20-minute consultation to receive compassionate guidance and explore if this offering is right for you.

Free 20-minute consultation | Love into Wholeness

With love,

Elizabeth Alanis, LCSW, DD.

The Day I Chose Myself: A Journey from Confusion to Clarity

How I Reclaimed My Voice, My Truth, and My Definition of Love - on a 4-Hour Retreat with Elizabeth Alanis

Note from Elizabeth: This piece was written based on a heartfelt letter I received from a client after her private retreat. With her permission, I have shared it here—her words, her experience, her clarity—as a beacon for others who may find themselves walking a similar path. Her name has been changed to protect her privacy.

I am Maya, and I am happy to share this true story with you.

Three months after separating from my husband, I still couldn’t breathe.

He had betrayed me—again. The lies, the infidelities, the drinking, the way he would twist things and make me feel like it was all my fault. And still, he was calling me, texting me, promising change, asking for therapy, saying he wanted to work things out. And I didn’t know what to do.

My heart was exhausted. My mind was spinning. Part of me wanted to believe him, to believe that people can change. Another part of me didn’t trust him at all. I had tried for so long, endured so much, that I didn’t even know what normal felt like anymore.

Then a friend said something that shifted everything.

She had recently attended a two-day retreat with a psychotherapist and shaman named Elizabeth Alanis. She said, “You don’t have to figure this out alone. There’s a space where you can lay it all down and listen to what your heart really knows.”

That’s how I found Elizabeth. And I gave myself a gift that felt extravagant at first—maybe even selfish. A 4-hour private retreat. Just for me. What I found during those hours was more than I could’ve imagined.

The Truth I Didn’t Want to Admit

It was hard to even say the words aloud. The questions Elizabeth asked were gentle, but they reached deep.

Had he ever physically hurt me?

Yes.

But I had normalized it for so long, I didn’t even realize how much I had minimized it. I had told myself, It’s not that bad. But when I spoke the truth out loud—how he had grabbed me, left bruises, blocked the door so I couldn’t leave—it became real. I heard myself. And for the first time, I believed me.

Elizabeth didn’t judge me. She didn’t pity me. She looked at me with clear eyes and a soft heart and said,“This is serious. This is not love. This is not safe.”

And I wept.

Patterns I Hadn’t Seen

We looked at my past—past relationships, past choices—and the same story kept showing up. Different names. Same pain.

I started to blame myself. What’s wrong with me? Why do I keep choosing this?

But instead of letting me spiral into shame, Elizabeth met my inner critic with tenderness. She helped me zoom out to see the larger map of my life.

We talked about my childhood—how I grew up with an alcoholic, abusive father and a mother who never left him. How I saw the same cycles in my aunts, my cousins, even my friends. How I heard the same lines again and again:

“That’s just how men are.”

“At least he provides.”

“You don’t leave your husband.”

Some part of me had absorbed all of it. Without even knowing it, I had inherited a script.

Love is sacrifice.

Love is forgiving everything.

Love is endurance.

Love is staying—no matter what.

But then Elizabeth asked me a question that changed everything.

“Is this what you want your daughter to experience?”

I didn’t hesitate.

“No!”

And suddenly it became clear:

If it’s not good for my daughter, it’s not good for me.

A New Vision of Love

From there, everything shifted. She asked me:

“What would you like to teach your daughter about love?” “What does love truly mean to you?”

I paused. I breathed. I began to remember.

Love is safety. Love is honesty. Love is compassion, reciprocity, freedom.

I began to shape a new definition. One that was mine. One that I could live by—and teach.

And with every answer, I felt my power return.

The Ceremony

We ended the retreat with a shamanic healing ceremony—something I’d never experienced before.

In that sacred space, I released the old patterns that didn’t belong to me. The ancestral stories. The weight I had carried from generations of women who were told to endure. Who were never taught to choose themselves.

I called upon my ancestors—not just to witness, but to help. I asked for their support in breaking the generational cycle. I asked for healing not only for myself, but for those who came before me, and those who will come after.

This cycle ends here. With me. Now.

I asked for protection. I asked for strength. I asked to remember who I truly am.

When I Left

I walked out feeling different.

Lighter. Clearer. Freer.

I knew what I wanted. I knew what love meant to me. And I knew I didn’t have to stay in something that hurt me to prove I was worthy.

That day, I chose myself. And I’ll keep choosing myself, again and again.

Closing Invitation

If you’re standing where I stood—in heartbreak, confusion, or fear—please know there is a way through. Elizabeth Alanis created a space where I could hear my truth again. And it changed everything.

You deserve that too.

If this speaks to you, consider gifting yourself a 4-hour private retreat with Elizabeth. This retreat is designed to help you untangle confusion, reconnect with your inner truth, and take empowered steps toward the life—and love—you truly desire.

To learn more or schedule your retreat, reach out to: loveintowholeness@gmail.com

When Love Depletes You Instead of Lifting You.

Why It's Time to Retreat and Reclaim Your Energy

We enter relationships longing to be nourished—to feel held, seen, and uplifted. At their best, our connections give us energy, spark creativity, and bring joy to everyday life.

But too often, the opposite happens.

Instead of replenishing us, relationships become one more source of stress. We find ourselves caught in loops of tension, unmet needs, misunderstandings, or caretaking dynamics where we give far more than we receive. Slowly, we begin to feel drained—physically, emotionally, and spiritually depleted.

If you’ve been feeling exhausted, anxious, or disconnected in your relationships, you’re not alone. And you’re not broken. But it may be time to pause… and listen.

Why You Need to Step Back to Move Forward

There’s a reason we keep repeating painful patterns in love, family, or friendship—even when we know something isn’t working. The roots of these patterns are often hidden deep within: in inherited beliefs, unprocessed emotions, ancestral imprints, and unhealed trauma. These energies may not even be entirely our own—they may come from the collective consciousness, from family lineage, or even from past-life wounds carried forward.

When life gets too busy, we can’t hear the quiet voice inside that’s trying to guide us back to balance.

That’s why sometimes, the most courageous thing we can do is step away—not to give up on love, but to return to ourselves.

A Love Into Wholeness™ Retreat is a sacred pause. A space where you can tend to what’s been neglected within you, listen to what hurts, and reconnect with what’s true. It’s a chance to restore your energy and remember how good it feels to be whole.

What Happens When You Retreat with Us

Our retreats are not escapes—they are returns. You return to the deepest parts of yourself, to your truth, and to the kind of love that begins within.

Here’s what a day in retreat looks like:

1. Grounding and Assessment

We begin by tuning in. Through gentle practices, you assess the state of your four inner bodies:

• Mental Body: What beliefs are running the show? Are they yours—or inherited?

• Emotional Body: What feelings have been buried or bypassed?

• Physical Body: What is your body carrying from years of stress or caretaking?

• Spiritual Body: Are you feeling held and guided—or alone and disconnected?

This awareness becomes your personal map for healing.

2. Emotional Healing, Mental Clarity & Shamanic Release

We gently release what no longer serves you. Practices may include:

• Mental Clarity: Shedding limiting beliefs and inherited distortions that keep you stuck in old relational patterns.

• Emotional Healing: Releasing long-held feelings that have been stored in the body.

• Shamanic Healing: Deep spiritual work that helps you release ancestral pain, collective imprints, and even unhealed karmic experiences from past lives.

This is where light begins to return—clarity, relief, possibility.

3. Physical Restoration

Stress and emotional strain show up in the body. That’s why we bring in:

• Healing rest in nature, sound therapy, and movement

• Energy healing and nurturing touch to support the nervous system

• Nourishing meals and herbal drinks to soothe and replenish

Your body remembers what it feels like to feel safe and cared for.

4. Spiritual Reconnection & Integration

We complete the day by re-aligning with the sacred:

• Ceremony and ritual to bring a sense of reverence and renewal

• Creative expression through art, writing, or nature-based practices

• Reflection and guided insight to help you carry your healing forward

You leave not only restored—but realigned with your spirit and your path.

A Great Place to Begin: The 4-Hour Private Retreat

If your heart is longing for change—but you’re not sure where to start—the 4-hour private retreat is a powerful first step.

This intimate, one-on-one experience is designed to help you:

• Step out of survival mode and into clarity

• Understand the patterns that keep love feeling hard

• Reconnect with the parts of you that need tending, healing, and care

• Receive loving, focused support in a safe and sacred space

• Experience the power of shamanic healing to release inherited and energetic burdens that may not be yours to carry

You’ll walk away with renewed energy, deeper self-understanding, and a sense of direction about what’s next—whether in your relationships, your healing journey, or your life path.

You Are the Source of Your Wholeness

When we tend to our inner world, something profound happens: our outer world begins to change. The way we relate, what we accept, how we speak, what we choose—it all shifts.

A Love Into Wholeness™ Retreat gives you the space to tend to the pain that drains you, and the tools to start loving differently—not from depletion, but from wholeness.

Ready to Begin?

This is your invitation to stop pouring from an empty cup… and to come home to yourself.

Book your private 4-hour retreat or💬 Schedule a free 20-minute consultation to explore if it’s right for you.

loveintowholeness@hotmail.com

Let’s reconnect to the source of your wholeness—so love can feel like it was always meant to feel: honest, alive, and deeply nourishing.