Every challenge in love is a call to healing. Take the free quiz to uncover your love patterns →
What is Love?
Our beliefs about love—both conscious and unconscious—shape every aspect of our lives. This is why exploring and learning what Sacred Loving truly is becomes essential. One of my greatest lessons in love came as a gift. And like every great teaching, it was born not in joy, but in the painful questions that rise from love itself.
When I moved from New York to North Carolina, I was living with my brother and his teenage son. There was genuine love and care between us—meals cooked, cars repaired, support freely offered. We truly wanted to love one another well.
And yet, I began to notice something unsettling. Old patterns resurfaced—silences that stung, walls built by defensiveness, giving too much where boundaries were needed, dismissing what we did not understand.
One day, with grief weighing heavy, I sat at the center of my medicine wheel and asked Great Spirit: “How can this be? After all the work… after all the healing… why am I back in these same dynamics? There’s love here—real love. So why does it still hurt so much? What is love, really?”
What came was not a voice, but a vision.
The Medicine Wheel of Loving revealed itself as eight essential characteristics of true love—not sentimental, not self-sacrificing, but love that honors, liberates, and sustains the soul.
Later, in sacred dialogue with my beloved teacher, the shadow revealed itself too: the Medicine Wheel of the Shadow of Loving—eight distortions that show how love becomes tangled when shaped by fear, shame, abandonment, or guilt.
Working with these wheels gave me one of the most important realizations of my life.
At first, I thought it was about my brother and nephew—that these characteristics were a way to measure what was “wrong” in the relationship. But the truth was humbling: no one was doing anything wrong. It was me.
I was the one slipping back into the shadows of my old stories—smothering my own feelings, silencing my needs, abandoning myself in the hope of being accepted and loved. I was not living in the present, but in the echo of my past, caught again in the story of abandonment and rejection.
When I turned the exploration of the Medicine Wheels inward, clarity came. I saw how quickly I lose myself in relationship—how easily I turn my attention outward, toward what the other is doing or not doing, instead of staying rooted in my own being. The hurt was not born from them; it was born from me abandoning myself.
The Medicine Wheels helped me see this with new eyes. Two distortions of the Shadow of Loving had been awakened within me:
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Smothering myself by silencing my own voice and needs.
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Self-abandoning by focusing on others instead of living my own life.
A Shift Within
As soon as I shifted the focus back to myself—honoring my feelings, taking responsibility for my presence, and no longer placing the weight of change on others—everything transformed. The relationship with my brother and nephew blossomed into something beautiful, tender, real, and powerful. In our everyday life together, they became mirrors that helped me see myself more clearly and gave me the chance to recognize my old patterns and choose another way.
This was the gift: to discover that Sacred Loving is not measured by what others give or fail to give. It begins within—with the courage to remain present, to honor my truth, and to love without losing myself.
Working with the Medicine Wheels
The Medicine Wheels of Loving and the Shadow of Loving guide us in redefining what love truly is.
The Medicine Wheel of Loving offers eight core characteristics of balanced and healthy love. The Medicine Wheel of the Shadow of Loving reveals eight powerful distortions—how love becomes twisted by fear, shame, guilt, or abandonment.
At first, we notice these dynamics in our closest relationships. But in truth, they are only mirrors of the relationship we hold with ourselves. The wheels always call us inward—toward awareness, healing, and transformation—rather than outward, toward blame or control.
From Characteristics to Achetypes
As I worked with these Medicine Wheels in my own life, and then with my clients, a deeper clarity emerged. Each characteristic of Loving—and each distortion of the Shadow—took form as archetypes: living patterns that shape how we show up in relationship.
With time, I saw with piercing clarity:
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Every archetype of Loving lives on a continuum—sometimes in balance, sometimes tipped into imbalance.
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Every archetype of the Shadow carries a wound—one that longs to be seen, understood, and healed.
This became for me a living map: characteristics, archetypes, balance and imbalance, wounds and healing. A path for returning to love that is whole and true.
From this map, I created a quiz called “Unlock the Mystery of Your Love Patterns”—a doorway to help you understand your archetypes in relationships.
Why Taking the Quiz Matters
The quiz was created to help you discover your place within these Medicine Wheels. It will help you see:
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Which characteristics of Loving or the Shadow of Loving are strong in you.
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Which archetypes are in balance, and which may have tipped into imbalance.
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Which wounds may still be shaping your relationships, and how to begin offering yourself the healing you most need.
Taking this quiz is not about finding out what is wrong with you.
It is about remembering that your struggles in love are patterns—not flaws. Patterns that can be seen, understood, and transformed.
What You Will Gain
By taking the Unlock the Mystery of Your Love Patterns Quiz, you will receive:
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Clarity about the deeper patterns shaping your relationships.
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Confidence that comes from embracing the power you have to create relationships that are freer, more honest, and more nourishing.
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Direction for the steps that will bring healing and greater balance into your life.
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Self-awareness that allows you to see your gifts and wounds with compassion.
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A profound sense of being understood, and the reassurance that there is nothing wrong with you.
Begin Your Journey
Love is not meant to bind or confuse. Love is meant to guide, to hold, to heal.
If you are ready to see your relationships through the wisdom of the Medicine Wheels, to uncover your archetypes, and to begin the journey of balance and healing—this is your invitation.
Take the Unlock the Mystery of Your Love Patterns Quiz today and step onto the path of love that truly honors who you are.
